


Steins;Gay

by Nessa_NanoDesu



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Female Character, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Insecurity, Rarepair, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22195618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nessa_NanoDesu/pseuds/Nessa_NanoDesu
Summary: AKA two bisexual Japanese women fall in love at an American UniversityWhen Makise Kurisu begins to work at Viktor Chondria Unvierisity, Maho sees her as a rival. Unfortunately Maho finds it hard to keep up this rivalry when she starts developing very gay feelings.
Relationships: Hiyajo Maho/Makise Kurisu
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	1. Amadeus Arrives

“Please work.”

Maho groaned as she leaned back in her chair. She pushed a wayward strand of hair from her face as her program compiled for what had to be the billionth time. If only a meteor would crash through the roof of the research lab, smiting her computer.

_ AttributeError: Child instance has no attribute ‘target’ _

The urge to punch the screen overcame Maho as the computer spit out an error at her, but she resisted the temptation. Sometimes it felt like Dr. Leskinen was trying to belittle Maho’s skills as a neuroscientist by making her collaborate with the computer science lab. Considering the fact that she specialized in artificial intelligence, Maho did have the most experience programming out of the researchers in the Brain Science Institute, but it didn’t change the fact that she wished to be on the vanguard of neuroscience research with the rest of the team, making breakthrough discoveries. Yet once Kurisu Makise had shown up, Maho’s role in the lab seemed to be shrinking.

Miss Makise was a genius. She was published at the age of only seventeen, and her work formed the basis of their current research at the Brain Science Institute. Maho was three years older and not even half as successful. Viktor Chondria University was incredibly lucky to have Kurisu, yet there was a general distaste for her in the community. Both her and Maho garnered dislike for being young intelligent women, yet there was no doubt Kurisu was more well known. It was hard not to feel some level of jealousy towards Kurisu, especially when she managed to carry such an air of confidence. She had a great sense of style as well that Maho could never have the energy to match. Her hair was so pretty as well-

“Perhaps you should try creating a seperate object for the memory search signal,” A voice said behind her.

Maho jumped, lurching to the left away from the voice. Her heart was pounding like crazy. She turned her head and saw Kurisu Makise standing behind her chair to the right. Kurisu’s eyes flicked from the computer screen to meet Maho’s, her eyebrows raised in concern.

“I’m sorry,” Kurisu said, “Did I scare you?”

Maho took a moment to regain her composure.

“No,” She said, “It’s okay.”

Of course Kurisu had to show up to pick apart her code. Maho just stared at her screen and hoped that Kurisu would move on to whatever work she had shown up to do.

“I believe the efficiency of this section of code-” Kurisu said, leaning in closer and pointing at the screen, “Could be improved to have an upper bound of n log n.”

Kurisu had a very matter of fact way of speaking. You could hear the confidence in her voice. Maho found it grating.

“Thank you,” Maho said, “I didn’t realize you had so much experience with programming as well.”

Maho scooted her chair closer to the desk in a futile attempt to move away from Kurisu.

“I’ve spent some time with Python,” Kurisu said, “I understand how important it is to have some programming skills as a scientist in the modern age.”

The way Kurisu spoke so flatly irked Maho. She seemed careful in articulating her thoughts.

“Right,” Maho said, “Well I think I am going to call it a day for now.”

Maho rubbed her temple. Obviously Kurisu was not going to leave Maho alone, and Maho felt like she was going to get violent if she had to listen to Kurisu’s voice any longer. Her stomach rumbled. It was incredibly irritating to feel like she was being talked down to by someone three years younger than her.

“Okay,” Kurisu said, “If you ever need anyone to look over your code I’m willing to help.”

_ Of course you are. _

“Thanks,” Maho said, “I don’t think it’s necessary to take you from your work though.” She kept her voice devoid of emotion to match Kurisu.

Kurisu furrowed her brow slightly at the comment. She would have to be completely oblivious to not notice Maho’s annoyance. “It’s no hindrance to me.” Again she seemed to be choosing her words carefully.

Maho picked up her lab coat.

“I didn’t take years of classes in computer science and artificial intelligence just to let someone who has  _ dabbled _ in Python write my code,” Maho said. She could hear her resentment slipping out into her words.

Kurisu’s eyes widened for a brief moment before she looked away.

Even her eyes were incredibly pretty. They were blue. Somehow this made Maho even more aggravated.

“I meant no offense,” Kurisu said, “Sometimes someone outside a project can help you notice areas for improvement, however lacking in experience they are.”

Was she giving Maho words of wisdom now? How incredibly patronizing.

“How considerate of you, Miss Makise,” Maho said, crossing her arms, “But I don’t need help from a high schooler.”

Kurisu now met Maho’s gaze directly, her eyebrows raised. If she didn’t pick up on it before, Maho’s anger was clear to her now.

“You know I’m not a high schooler,” Kurisu said, “And that’s quite the insult coming from someone who has the stature of an eleven year old, Miss Hiyuhjo.”

Maho clenched her fists, glaring at Kurisu, who glared right back.

A moment passed.

Damnit, why couldn’t she think of a clever comeback to Kurisu’s insult?!

She finally looked away, sighing. “It’s Hiy-ah-jo,” Maho said, “It’s a common name in Okinawa.”

Kurisu glanced up at her, the comment seeming to pique her curiosity.

“You’re Japanese?” Kurisu asked.

“I might not look it,” Maho replied, “But my blood is one hundred percent Japanese. I was born and raised here though.”

“I’m also Japanese, though I’ve lived here since middle school,” Kurisu said, “Njhongo ga dekimasu ka?”

“Atarimae janai ka?” Maho replied.

Kurisu turned her body to face Maho again, a strange expression overcoming her face.

“I understand that many of you here are… uneasy about my presence,” Kurisu said, her face turning slightly red. “But I didn’t come here to be petty, believe it or not. I am honored to be a part of this team and I have a lot of respect for you as a scientist, Miss Hiyajo.”

After this statement, Kurisu looked away again. Was she being shy? This display of vulnerability stuck Maho hard, and she found herself taken aback by how human Kurisu appeared in this moment.

“You- you can call me Maho,” Maho said. She could feel her own cheeks becoming warm. “I respect you very much as well. Viktor Chondria is lucky to have you.”

They both stared at the floor, neither one able to come up with anything to say.

“Well,” Kurisu said, “I look forward to working with you, Maho.”

Kurisu turned and walked to a desk, perhaps trying to regain her air of confidence.

“And,” She said, turning back for a moment, “Call me Kurisu.”

Maho felt her heart flutter.

“Right,” Maho said, “Have a good day, Kurisu.”

Maho hurried out of the lab, because she was afraid that if she stayed any longer, Kurisu Makise might win her over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I doubt there is any audience for this pairing but I have been wanting to write these characters for a while. I hope someone enjoys this!


	2. Salieri Syndrome

“Great!”

Doctor Leskinen clapped Maho on the shoulder, a huge smile spread across his face. Maho had explained to Leskinen the progress that she and the computer science lab had made on developing the neural network for Amadeus. Leskinen was very enthusiastic about the results, and Maho felt her cheeks redden as Kurisu and Mary watched them.

“A-anyway.” Maho tried to bring the focus off of herself. “There’s still more that needs to be discussed when it comes to the brain signal processing.”

The four researchers were seated at a table in the courtyard of the university. Leskinen had suggested they have their discussion outside due to the nice weather. The university buildings towered over them on every side, making it feel like the campus was its own oasis in the vast city around them.

Kurisu leaned forward, brushing her chestnut hair from her face.

“We know that the patterns of nerve impulses can be used to digitize memories,” Kurisu said.

“In theory,” Maho cut in.

Kurisu’s violet eyes flicked over to Maho but her expression remained neutral.

“In theory, yes,” Kurisu said, “Which means that our next step is to determine the best method for extracting these signals.”

“We need to think about keeping costs low,” Leskinen said, “Although EEG may not be sufficient.”

“EEG will give us high temporal resolution though,” Mary said, “And the disadvantages in spatial resolution may not be an issue.”

“We need to filter out signals that do not come from the temporal lobe,” Maho said, “So low spatial resolution may cause unwanted noise.”

“The signals will be coming from the parahippocampal gyrus,” Kurisu said.

_ You know what I meant, _ Maho wanted to say.

“EEG is going to be our best option,” Mary said, “If we want to be able to treat memory loss we need to make a low cost option available to consumers.”

“Well then,” Leskinen said, “If that’s what needs to happen, then we can get it done. Right, team?”

Leskinen smiled and let out a hearty laugh.

Maho couldn’t help but smile at his eagerness.

“I’m just concerned about something,” Maho said, “It came up when I was coding Amadeus. The human brain isn’t going to work the same way a neural network does of course, so I’m wondering if the brain will even recognize memories written back into it.”

“I see,” Kurisu said, “While Amadeus will have immediate access to all of the memories it is given, a human brain will effectively have amnesia.”

“Exactly,” Maho said, “The human brain needs more than just the raw memories.”

“Well,” Kurisu said, “The signal goes from the frontal lobe to the temporal lobe when the brain tries to access a memory.”

“I’m well aware of how top-down memory search signals work,” Maho said.

“I was just thinking aloud,” Kurisu said, “That process will need outside assistance.”

“Of course,” Maho said, “We don’t have a method for artificially creating those connections though.”

“When we write the memories into the temporal lobes...” Kurisu said, “If we send a pseudo pulse to the frontal lobes, the memory search signal will function properly.”

“A pseudo pulse?” Maho gave Kurisu a questioning look.

“It would work,” Kurisu said.

“How do you know?” Maho asked.

“It has to work,” Kurisu said, “I can prove it.”

“It sounds ridiculous,” Maho said, “But I don’t think there’s any other way you could go about it…”

It was then that Maho realized she and Kurisu were having their own conversation, and they had lost Leskinen and Mary. Leskinen had a grin on his face.

Maho felt her face burn up in embarrassment and she turned away from Kurisu, crossing her arms.

“Anyway,” Kurisu cut in, also looking away, “I’ll work on that. We don’t need to figure it out at this moment.”

“I love the passion! Give the problem some more thought,” Leskinen said, “I think this meeting has been productive. We have more challenges ahead before we need to tackle this issue.”

Leskinen stood up from the table and stretched.

“I hate to say it but I think it’s time for me to go to another meeting,” Leskinen said, “I’m enjoying all this sun so much though.”

Maho approached the professor, brushing past Mary as she was packing her things. Maho turned to say goodbye to Mary but the woman was already leaving for the researcher’s apartments. Maho ignored the pit in her stomach that the interaction gave her.

“Alexis, I want to help with memory extraction,” Maho said.

“Maho,” Leskinen said, putting a hand on her shoulder, “Your expertise is needed with developing Amadeus.”

“It’s hardly neuroscience work,” Maho said, “I feel like I’m being pushed to the sidelines.”

“I understand your love for neuroscience,” Leskinen said, “But Amadeus is the most important project right now. We need you working on it, and now that we have Kurisu you don’t need to jump between projects so much.”

Maho glanced over at Kurisu, who was still packing up her papers into her bag. Kurisu seemed to know they were talking about her and didn’t raise her eyes.

“I’m your assistant,” Maho said, “I should be working with you.”

“You are my assistant,” Leskinen said, “Which is why I can trust you with this task. I wish I could focus on Amadeus, but our resources are spread thin at the moment. Your work is the future of our lab, Maho.”

Maho crossed her arms.

“Alright,” She said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Maho turned to leave, glancing at Kurisu again. Kurisu raised a hand to wave, but Maho ignored it, headed towards her apartment.

When she got home, she climbed onto her bed and hugged her stuffed cat. She wanted to punch something.

Of course Kurisu was replacing her. It made her feel sick.

There was no way Maho could ever compete with Kurisu. She was three years younger and already beyond what Maho could ever accomplish. No matter how hard she tried, Maho would never compare to that. If Kurisu had just stayed away, or shown up ten years from now, Maho wouldn’t have to feel this way. But Kurisu was here now, and she was going to replace Maho. Kurisu was better in every way.

Yet Maho still had great respect for Kurisu. She was an incredible scientist. All of the traits she hated about Kurisu were traits that Maho wished she had herself. Why did destiny choose Maho to live in Kurisu’s shadow?

Maho had a hard time sleeping that night, terrorized by her uncertain future.

* * *

Maho almost fell out of her chair.

She was leaning back so that she could see the conversation Kurisu and Mary were having on the other side of the room. She was surprised at how relaxed they seemed with each other already. The rumble of jealousy grew within her chest.

Maho watched as Mary put her arms on her stomach, her body shaking with laughter. Mary had always been Maho’s one friend at the lab because until now they had been the only younger women in the lab. Maho had been a bit intimidating towards Mary at first but eventually they had grown close. Despite this, Maho had never seen Mary laugh so freely.

Kurisu was a good 4 or 5 inches shorter than Mary. Her chestnut hair flowed across her back as she spoke, gesturing with her arms. She adjusted the hair hanging in front of her ears, squeezing the strands together and then pulling them straight. She seemed to do this subconsciously as she listened to Mary.

“Happy birthday, Maho!”

Maho shot forward, the legs of her chair slamming into the ground. She spun her head to see Leskinen standing over her.

“Oh my god,” She said, putting a hand on her head.

“Now, now, don’t look so frightened,” Leskinen said, “Today’s such an exciting day for you!”

“Sorry,” Maho said, “I was just distracted. Thank you, Alexis.”

“How’s this then to cheer you up!” Leskinen leaned in closer. “I know you’ve been wanting to present our research at the SfN conference this year.”

Maho’s heart started racing. “Yes, I have.”

“I think the department will get the grant to fund your trip there,” Leskinen said, a huge smile spread across his face. “At least that’s the word from higher up.”

“No way,” Maho said, “I didn’t think it was going to happen.”

“You’ll hear for sure tonight,” Leskinen said, “And if you don’t, tell me so I can pester them.”

He laughed and patted the back of her chair.

Maho was at a loss for words. She had been hoping all semester that she would be able to attend the Society for Neuroscience Academic Conference this year. It was being held in San Diego, California. She would be presenting all of their work on Amadeus.

“Well, I’ll leave you with that,” Leskinen said, “Happy birthday again, Maho.”

“Thank you professor!”

Maho’s emotions were swirling within her. She was so excited, yet there was still that uneasiness in her.

She glanced over at Kurisu and Mary, who were still chatting. She forced herself to look away.

Calling it a day, Maho grabbed her things and left for her apartment. Mary didn’t say anything to her as she passed.

Once she reached her room, Maho flopped onto her bed. She looked at her phone.

No messages.

Of course no one would message her on her birthday. What did she expect? Maho shot a text to Mary.

_ Want to hang out tonight? _

No response after several minutes. Maho booted up a racing game and played for an hour to distract herself from everything.

Still no text after that. Things were changing. At one point Maho had been the smartest woman in the lab. At one point she had been worth something. That was all slipping away so quickly now.

Maho felt her pocket vibrate. She quickly pulled out her phone.

_ Mary: Sorry, maybe next time. _

What. Mary had to know it was her birthday. Such a short response made it seem like Mary didn’t care at all.

Of course she didn’t.

No one had any reason to care about her if she wasn’t the best. Maho didn’t even care about herself. She had no intrinsic value. If she meant nothing to the world around her then she had become utterly worthless.

Kurisu had taken everything from her. Her lab. Her friend. Her life. Maho spent her childhood working for this future only to have it taken away before she could truly enjoy it. It would have been better for her to have always been average. For her to have been special, and for it to be taken away now, it was too cruel. Maybe average people had meaningful lives, but Maho had staked everything on being above the rest, and to have fallen now meant she had nothing left to offer.

Everyone has unique aspects that make them worthy of love from someone. But if you are to be loved because you stand apart, then to be surpassed by someone else means you are reduced to a mere shadow.

Maho had no reason to be loved. She was Kurisu’s shadow now. Why would Mary spend any time on a fake when the genuine had arrived. Leskinen too was beginning to set Maho aside for Kurisu.

Maho’s heart was going to explode.

There was an email notification on her phone. Maho looked at it. Her stomach twisted.

The department wouldn’t be getting the money to send Maho to the conference.

All in all, it was a truly minor thing. Going to the conference wouldn’t have fixed anything for Maho. But she had been so excited.

She had lost the conference too...

The tears flowed freely now. Maho gasped for air in between sobs, her vision and cheeks wet. She held tight to her stuffed animal, the only thing that felt stable now. She just wanted everything to stop. She just wanted someone to care.

It took Maho a few moments to register that there had been a knock at the door. She shakily grabbed a kleenex and wiped her eyes.

Wobbling to the door, she opened it to find a woman with piercing violet eyes staring down at her.

“K-Kurisu.” Was all that Maho could say.

Kurisu looked stunned for a moment. Her eyes widened as she looked over Maho. Maho realized she was still tightly clutching her stuffed cat.

“Sorry to bother you,” Kurisu said, “I uh.”

Maho had never seen Kurisu look so out of her element. The normally calm woman seemed flustered.

“I heard it was your birthday,” Kurisu finally said, “So I brought you this.”

She hesitated for a moment before reaching into her pocket and pulling out a green object. It seemed to be some kind of frog keychain.

“I thought you might want something from Japan,” Kurisu said, “This is a Gero-Froggy, they’re popular right now.”

Maho took the oddly-shaped frog from Kurisu. She looked back up at Kurisu as she wiped away her tears.

“Uh,” Maho said, “Thank you…”

Maho found herself unable to be angry at Kurisu for some reason. In her head only moments ago Maho had been pinning all her problems on Kurisu. Yet as Kurisu stood before her now, Maho could only notice how uncomfortable she seemed to be. Kurisu was genuinely doing this just to be nice, and was having a hard time with it too.

Kurisu had been the only person to wish her a happy birthday besides Leskinen. Maho didn’t know what to do with this realization.

Kurisu started to turn, and then seemed to have second thoughts. She turned back to Maho.

“I know that we haven’t been working together very long,” Kurisu said, “But… you can talk to me if you need someone.”

Maho was too emotionally drained to make any kind of prideful rejection of Kurisu. In fact, Kurisu looked rather uncertain of herself. She was new to the lab and she must be lonely here. Everyone viewed her as a rival.

Maho stepped back. “Do… do you want to come in?”

Kurisu looked visibly surprised. “Oh, sure.”

Maho closed the door behind Kurisu and then sat on the bed. Kurisu stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, crossing her arms.

“You can sit if you want,” Maho said, gesturing to the bed.

“Ah,” Kurisu said, sitting down stiffly a good distance from Maho.

“Here.” Maho handed Kurisu a controller. “Want to play?”

Kurisu's eyes flicked between the controller, the tv, and Maho.

“This game is pretty easy,” Maho said, “Don’t worry.”

Simply nodding, Kurisu joined Maho as a race began in the game. Kurisu leaned forward, studying the screen. As the cars started zooming through the course, Maho felt Kurisu’s eyes on her hands.

“Oh,” Maho said, “You press this here…”

Maho put her hand on Kurisu’s to show her the correct movements. Kurisu’s skin was soft and her hands surprisingly cold.

Kurisu looked up. Maho realized she had stopped moving and was simply holding Kurisu’s hand.

“I’m sorry!” Maho said, pulling her hand away quickly. “Maybe that was too forward. It’s the uh… right bumper.”

She pulled her hair forward to cover her face, which surely had to be bright red.

“Thanks,” Kurisu said, giving Maho a small smile. “I don’t mind.”

That only made Maho blush even more. Why did her rival have to be so charming?

They played a few matches. Kurisu was surprisingly terrible at the game, but she never gave up. She would ask Maho questions about the game’s mechanics in order to try and improve. Eventually, Kurisu checked her phone.

“I think I should be leaving soon,” Kurisu said, “Thank you for having me.”

“Thank you for playing with me,” Maho said.

She felt something welling up inside her. A terrible loneliness threatening to overtake her.

“You can come over anytime,” Maho said as Kurisu walked towards the door.

That was the most desperate thing she could have said.

“Okay.” Kurisu smiled, her cheeks rising up. “I hope you feel better.”

“It's the conference,” Maho blurted. “The lab isn’t getting the money funded to go to the SfN conference.”

Kurisu’s eyebrows furrowed as she frowned, mulling over Maho’s words. “I was hoping to go to that as well.”

“I just thought you might want to know,” Maho added quickly.

There was nothing else to say, but Maho didn’t want to be alone again.

“Anyway,” Maho finally said, “I hope you have a good night.”

Kurisu seemed to be lost in thought. She put her hand on the door, grasping the frame.

“Maho,” She said.

Maho looked up at the tall, confident woman before her whose face was stern with resolve, and felt a strange mix of jealousy and awe.

“Yes?” Maho said.

“Let’s go to the conference anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, there's more gay adventures to come!  
> If you're living somewhere that's dealing with the corona virus right now, I hope you're okay! If you're bored in quarantine or want to chat for whatever reason feel free to reach out to me on discord or tumblr, the links are in my profile.  
> Stay safe,  
> Nessa <3


End file.
